The Different Types of Stoner: Which One Are You?
- 1. The mentor, a.k.a. the connoisseur type
- 2. The naturalist stoner type
- 3. The heavy hitter stoners
- 4. The brand-new convert
- 5. The struggle stoner
- 6. The lord or lady of insta
- 7. Cheech the baptist
- 8. The floppy stoner type
- 9. The artsy or spiritual stoner type
- 10. The least loved type of stoner, the moocher
- 11. The old-school hippy
- 12. The soccer mom smoker aka. the stoner mom
- 13. The lightweight
- 14. Find out which type of stoner you are
- 15. In conclusion
There is one common misconception regarding the stoner world that thinks of all of us stoners as the same exact type of people, which couldn't be any further from the truth.
In fact, you'd be surprised to know that stoners too have their own personalities, amaaazing right? The thing is we're often stigmatized in movies or tv shows as lazy or hippies, but that's not entirely loyal to the actual reality.
When it comes to the stoner community, there are however several different types of stoner which could be considered the most common stoner stereotypes. These types of stoners include:
- The naturalists;
- The artsy stoners;
- The cannabis connoisseurs;
- The heavy hitter stoners, and more.
Let's go through each of the different types of stoner and their characteristics and find out which one you are!
1. The Mentor, a.k.a. The Connoisseur Type
If you're not this stoner type, then most likely you can identify him or her among your group of toking friends. The mentor or the cannabis connoisseur type of stoner is that one that likes to inform themselves about everything related to marijuana.
Sharing a joint with this stoner friend means you're going to be learning a couple of new terms regarding the world of cannabis, information about the different strains, details concerning each type of cannabinoid, terpenes profiles, and more. With this stoner friend, always be ready to try out new things. In fact, it's most likely that the most glorious, tastiest buds that you'd ever tried have been shared by this fellow stoner.
When you bump into the mentor stoner type, these guys will normally come along with crazy stoner gadgets or experiments to try out. In fact, you'll most definitely get your highest highs with them, since cannabis connoisseurs can be quite demanding when we're talking quality-wise.
Don't you ever dare offer some poor quality weed buds to your mentor stoner friend unless you feel like pranking them or making an offense. Seriously, expect them to huff at your sad buds and shrug them off as they open the way to their premium, gourmet-level flowers.
For this stoner type, preserving the purity of marijuana is almost a religion, so don't you dare try to stain that rep. This leads us to the next stoner type, the naturalist.
2. The Naturalist Stoner Type
Oh, you'll never meet such peaceful beings as naturalist stoners. This type of stoners is one that may combine a couple of the characteristics that we've mentioned above, however, naturalists are way more relaxed than the cannabis connoisseurs type.
A naturalist stoner is one whose most vital goal is making the consumption experience as pure as it can be. What does this mean? No contaminations inside your joints, bowls, concentrates or edibles. What is considered contamination, you may ask, well, it's anything that outlaws the power of marijuana or threatens its link to nature.
For example, never, ever, dare to roll a joint with bleached rolling papers near these guys, na-ah not allowed. Organic rolling papers made from hemp, rice, or any other natural source, please. Adding tobacco inside? Hmm, it depends on the naturalist stoner, but usually a no-go.
Some naturalist stoners are even strict only-pot stoners, or as it is also known, cali-sober. This means that a naturalist stoner type might rather skip drinking alcohol or indulging in other substances than weed, which we should all seriously look up to.
3. The Heavy Hitter Stoners
Now, this type of stoners can actually also be a part of the other types of stoner as well. Heavy hitter stoner types of people are those who are, well, let's say, smoking enthusiasts.
These smoking enthusiasts, which I may or may not feel myself identified with, are usually those who will still keep hitting the joint even if it's become some sort of a challenge to physically continue smoking, because, "you can always get a little higher". These are the guys that will never say no when someone passes them a joint, no matter the circumstances.
These same heavy hitter stoner type are the ones who are always ready and looking forward to roll another one while the rest may be yet spaced out in their high. The ones who seem to be able to take it all, no joint will ever knock them over, and if you see that happen then you're witnessing some history over there.
4. The Brand-New Convert
This brave new age of weed acceptance comes with a whole bunch of people that would have never touched the good old green stuff if the laws hadn't changed, but since they have, why not? Great stuff! Unlike many of the other stoner stereotypes, the age range for new converts is huge. We are talking college kids (or even younger - hey kids wait your turn until you are at least 21...) all the way up to the silver-haired seniors. Life is too short to miss out on the experience, right? These folks typically keep a pretty low profile and generally don't partake too much - usually opting for the occasional puff, puff pass. Hey, when you're just starting out, you want to make sure you don't overdo it, right? Edibles are the usual dose of the day for these folk, and that is a slightly dangerous game they play. Many of the new converts don't necessarily understand just how potent those gunnies can be, or the correct dosage for their tolerance level.
The same thing can be said for their first time smoking. If you have a few new converts in your smoking group, you may have heard the following phrase - "Hey, pass me that blunt again, I don't feel anything!" So, the best advice for anyone thinking of dipping their toes into the wonderful world of ganja for the first time, remember that patience is key. Edibles take between 45 mins to 2 whole hours to kick in fully, and the amount of food in that belly of your pre-dose can have a pretty marked effect also. If you are more interested in smoking, then again, take it slow. While you will feel the starting effects much more quickly than when eating an edible (between 2 to 5 mins give or take), the full kick can take around 20 mins. Puff that sh**, pass it on, and wait.
And that's not even mentioning vape pens. Many new converts seem to think that these new-age gadgets are the way to go when starting out. And sure, vapes are great for all cannabis enthusiasts, no matter the level of experience or tolerance. But they are most often filed with an extract sitting at the plus 90% THC range (the strongest bud tops the scales at around 35% THC currently), so taking it slow is even more important here. start with one small puff, hold it in for about 10 seconds, and then exhale. THEN WAIT. Wait at least 15 mins before diving in again, as vapes take longer to kick than smoking a joint or a bowl.
5. The Struggle Stoner
Struggle stoners, strange name yeah? Look, I think it's safe to say that most people who indulge in the occasional spliff, bowl, edible, or whatever else have probably been through some periods of paranoia whilst baked. You know the feeling - your heart starts to really race, your palms are all of a sudden super sweaty, and those thoughts run off on random and uncomfortable roads. But then there's that one in the group who always seems to hit struggle street, every single time. But do they stop? Hell no they don't. The struggle is real, and boy does it live on.
So, what should you do if you or one of your smoke buddies hits a rough patch? Well, first up, drink some water - Dehydration while stoned is a real issue, so always have a nice cool drink at hand. A sports drink can help ease the anxious feeling for some, but water is the go-to for my group of friends. Next up, music heals all - find an album, something the struggler connects with but is also very relaxing. The connection that will come should help bring those high-strung feelings back down into check. Lastly, get outside and go for a walk. Even better if you can surround yourself or the struggler with some gorgeous nature. Beaches and jungles my friends, they really do help in these sorts of situations.
6. The Lord or Lady of Insta
How many of you out there have at least one insta friend who is constantly covered, head to toe, in ganja-related gear... but they don't smoke? Come on, they're not fooling anyone! Well maybe a few, but we all know one of these little cretins, skulking around the back alleys of the internet, pretending to be a stoner just for the gram. Pretty pathetic really, but hey, whatever floats your boat I guess.
7. Cheech the Baptist
One of the most enjoyable parts of any smoking ritual is the process itself. Grabbing the weed out of the jar (after finding the perfect bud for the situation), grinding it up to the perfect consistency, grabbing the rolling tray, finding the right paper for this type of weed, the whole shebang...And while there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying the solo, or even the group process of rolling up a fat joint, it can sometimes be nice to have a little help with the process. Not always, but sometimes.
But one part of the baptists' ritual that might turn a few of the less experienced of the idea is overly wetting the paper, especially with spit. We have all used a little bit of saliva to help keep the from burning unevenly, but for some, it's just a little bit too much. So how does one fix this? Simple, just get yourself a spray bottle and fill it with some filtered water. Then when you feel the need to wet the paper, just give it a few squirts. It's not only easier, but I have found personally that this method also helps keep the joint burning much more evenly.
8. The Floppy Stoner Type
Contrary to the heavy hitter type of stoners we have the floppy one, which is, exactly the opposite, the group of usually newbie stoners that get their minds blown with quite much ease.
We've all been the floppy stoner when we first began smoking weed, having the highs of our lives with even the smallest amounts of weed, but hey, over time we "train" our bodies and they simply get used to the influence of marijuana with the pass of time. However, some people will just be floppy stoners for their entire lifetime.
How is this possible? You might wonder with some slight envy. Well, some people are just less tolerant to THC, which means that they will be more susceptible to the psychoactive effects of marijuana, it's just in their genes.
Many things can influence how strongly you perceive your weed highs, but if you smoke cannabis on a not-so-frequent basis, then it makes sense that you'll perceive stronger effects than the persistent, everyday smokers.
Are you the floppy one in your stoner group? Well, if you're usually the one who's way more baked than the rest, or the one who's never allowed to roll due to your (lack) of rolling skills, um, we think we know the answer.
9. The Artsy or Spiritual Stoner Type
This is also a type of stoner that can combine several of the previous types. The artsy stoner is one that loves using marijuana to enhance their art experiences, no matter the art field. Many painters, musicians, photographers, filmmakers, and more love smoking weed as their muse, or just to enjoy the arts on a deeper level.
How can you identify the artsy stoner of the group? Well, first, they're usually the most creative ones in the group, they tend to have the weirdest ideas while stoned and they're the ones that make crazy associations. Normally, with these guys you'll engage in pretty weird conversations while being high.
The artistic type of stoners are also quite spiritual usually, as well as naturalist stoners, they simply have a quirky mind in a sober state of mind, so it just all grows stronger when they're stoned. In fact, the spiritual stoners are ones who get rather philosophic while high, if only they could remember the conversation later.
10. The Least Loved Type of Stoner, The Moocher
Well, no one really likes this kind of stoner much because the moocher is normally the one who's always receiving and never giving. What does this mean? These opportunists frequently get super stoned thanks to their generous friends who are always providing them with weed.
However, will these kind and giving friends ever get back the offerings they've given to the moocher, not likely. That's why it's called the moocher. they basically live off everybody else's stash, smart huh? Saving some money the folks.
Marijuana was always meant to be shared, but not to be taken advantage of, fellow. So don't be that dude or gal who's always smoking off everyone else and get your own weed for once, will ya?
If you've just realized you are the moocher, we hate to bring this to you, but, yes, people do realize it, and no, no one likes it, they're just too nice to say something. So, do yourself and mostly your friends a favor, and next time you see them roll the biggest blunt you can and share it with your usual weed-providing friends. They'll be thankful.
11. The Old-School Hippy
Old-school hippies are kind of split into two categories: super interesting, or just too far gone. Fingers crossed you’ve been lucky enough to encounter more of the first type and less of the second. The old school hippy can be found really anywhere, but are at their highest concentrations at jam band concerts and also throughout South East Asia and India where they have been living their best life for decades. They have an unlimited supply of unbelievably captivating weed stories, they’re pretty uninterested in today’s obsessions with strains and percentages, and they roll the most amazing joints but they take an eternity to do so.
To the old-school hippy, weed is a true way of life. They have been waking and baking since before you were even a twinkle in your parent’s eye, and while they might look like sweet grandparents you can for sure not judge these books by their covers. An old-school hippy can smoke almost every other type of stoner under the table, twice probably.
There’s a certain feeling of comfort that comes from blazing the good sh*t up with an old-school hippy, so if you are yet to indulge in the devil’s lettuce with someone your grandparent’s age then be sure to grab the opportunity by the balls next time it presents itself!
12. The Soccer Mom Smoker AKA. The Stoner Mom
Thanks to the wave of legalization not just in the Land Of The Free, but also worldwide, we have been recently graced with a whole new category of stoners - the stoner mom. Gone are the days when a housewife would sit at home sipping gin and tonics all day (well maybe not).
Moms, in general, like to follow rules. And one of the rules that have recently changed is legal pot! Even if they hate the idea of smoking, with edibles so readily available in legal areas moms can now indulge in the ganga without little Timmy or Betty even cottoning on that mommy is a pothead. Add to that vape pens, tinctures, hand creams, and all the other amazing ways you can now get stoned and the world of weed really is just so much more easily accessible to moms than kit was just a decade ago.
13. THE LIGHTWEIGHT
We have all been at a smoke-up where one of the participants has had a bit of a rough time, right? They hit the bong, they cough for longer than any man should, their eyes turn beet red, they start to have visible beads of sweat roll down their foreheads, they turn a little green, and they quickly head for the nearest exit.
You have to feel sorry for the lightweight. Hell, we have all been there, and there is not the most comfortable place to be. Weed can be amazing, but it can also be a bit ruthless for the uninitiated. Feelings of paranoia seeping through your mind, mixed with a stirring your belly. No thanks.
14. Find Out Which Type of Stoner You Are
So, now that we've kind of untangled some of the most common types of stoners, let's try to identify which type you are.
| Type of Stoners | Connoisseur | Naturalist | Heavy Hitter | Floppy | Artsy | Moocher |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Do you get high easily? | X | Maybe | ||||
| Would you affirm your love for marijuana? | X | X | X | X | Maybe | |
| Do you smoke on a frequent basis? | X | X | X | Maybe | ||
| Do you talk a lot when high? | X | X | ||||
| Do friends offer joints to you gladly? | X | X | X | X | X | |
| Do people come to you for weed? | X | X | X | X | ||
|
Have you ever felt sick from smoking too much? |
X | X | ||||
|
Do you always have weed on you? |
X | X | X | X | ||
|
Have you never purchased marijuana? |
X | X |
These are just a couple of questions that might help identify the different types of stoners, however, we're all different so don't feel bad if you don't feel identified with any of them, even better, you're your own unique type of stoner!
15. In Conclusion
When it comes to stoners, surprise! it's just normal people who like smoking marijuana as well. Yes, there are some common characteristics you'll be able to spot among stoners, but that's just what usually happens with people who share a same interest.
You don't need to fit into any category anyway, so don't even stress, we only do it for fun! Be your own you and smoke cannabis however you want, and never, ever let anyone tell you otherwise, except it's a doctor...
Don't forget to comment on which type of stoner you and your friends are!
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